Dating

How To Start Dating Slowly After Divorce

Dating today is fast paced, with swiping on dating apps and hookup culture taking the modern dating scene by storm. With fast-paced dating seen as the new normal dreaming of slowing down the dating process might make you feel out of place or old-fashioned. So how do you start dating slowly after a divorce? Slowing down the dating process is possible. When you take dating slowly, there's less pressure on you and your date to reach the next level. Instead, you take that time to get to know the other person at a level more profound than the attraction stage.

When you date slowly, the connection between you and your dates may fizzle out. When that happens, you might feel like you wasted time because something didn't work out.
But on the flip side, it's a sign of paying attention to how compatible you are with someone without the rush of endorphins from the attraction stage influencing your judgment.

Follow these tips to date slowly and intentionally:

Decide what your “dating goal” is. Are you just trying to meet people and learn what you like? Are you ready to settle down and find a lifelong partner? Do you want to date slowly and see what happens? Decide on a dating goal beforehand to help you with any decision-making.
Get to know your values. Writing down what's essential for you can help you pay attention to whether or not potential matches align with your values. Your values are the North Star that guides you throughout life.
Think about your past partners, friends, and others in your life and which values they had that were attractive to you.
What is most important to you?
What non-negotiables or deal-breakers do you have? Give yourself a few dates before passing judgment. One of the best parts about slow dating is the opportunity to get to know someone on a deeper level. While first impressions matter, go on a few dates with someone before making a decision! That will give both of you time to get over first date nerves or for you to notice a red flag pop up.
Pay attention to communication patterns. How does the person you're dating interact with staff?
Assess compatibility over chemistry. While chemistry is that spark you initially feel during the attraction stage of dating, compatibility is how well a person aligns with your everyday life over an extended time.
Be transparent about your expectations. You don't have to start planning a marriage right away or decide on your children's names. But if your long-term goal is to get married or have children, discuss that before you commit to the dating stage.

Build a connection with your date through curiosity.

To build a genuine relationship, ask these questions over a series of dates.

What is your life story?
What would your idea of a “perfect” day look like?
What are you most grateful for?
What do you value most in a friendship and in a relationship?
What is your most significant accomplishment?
Put effort into the process and find someone who matches your effort! Aim to go on three dates with someone for three weeks. That's the perfect period for you to start getting to know them.
Put away your phones. Spend quality time getting to know the other person.

Slow dating gives you the time to imagine how someone fits into your life. You get to know a person and see how respectful they are. Do they share your values, and do you have similar lifestyle choices or goals?

The person you choose to commit to doesn't have to be perfect – but they should fit nicely into your life!