Six Actions That Can Sabotage Your Custody Case

As a Certified Divorce Coach, I often see parents arguing and fighting over the custody of their minor children. It is sad to watch because this is what tears families apart and damages the co-parenting relationship. No one wins in this situation and especially not the innocent children involved.

One of the benefits of hiring a Certified Divorce Coach is the training we receive to assist families in setting boundaries and creating better communication skills. The children’s emotional wellbeing and stability should always be put first.

One of the most painful parts of your divorce may be facing the possibility of losing custody of your kids. If you’re in a custody battle, it’s crucial to avoid any actions – both in and outside of court – that may turn the tables against you.

Be careful to avoid these mistakes that can sabotage your case:

1. Ignoring your visitations. The court system pays attention to parent behavior during the custody trials.

• • If you are not using your visitations, then the courts may question your dedication to the children. They may ask questions about why you want custody if you are not spending any time with the kids.

2. Threatening your ex. The court system takes threats seriously, and you may not be aware that your ex is recording every conversation.

• • During a custody battle, it’s important to act civilized and avoid threatening your previous partner. These types of threats may range from physical to emotional harm. The courts will not give you custody if they think you’re dangerous.
  • Be mindful all your communications with your ex. Any conversations and interactions may be recorded and used against you during the custody trial.

3. Physical confrontations. Avoid physical confrontations that can escalate and lead to violence. Your ex can make you angry, but you must demonstrate self-control and learn how to handle the frustration without outbursts or aggression.

4. Moving in with a new partner. You may be eager to start your new life but moving in with a new partner can sabotage your custody battle.

• • Since you’re still in the middle of a divorce, moving in with a partner can be viewed negatively by the courts.
  • The courts want to see parents that are dedicated to their children. If you engage in a new romance, they may wonder how much time you plan to spend with the kids.

5. Criticizing your ex in front of others. Divorce and custody proceedings can be filled with anger, animosity, and frustration. However, it is important to avoid criticizing your previous partner in front of others because it can backfire. They may use the criticism they hear against you, even if you feel your criticism is justified.

• • Your friends, family, and others may provide testimony about the way you treat your ex.

6. Refusing to pay child support. Even if you’re in the middle of a custody battle to take the children from your ex, you must continue to pay child support.

• • You can violate multiple laws by not paying child support. You may even end up in jail.
  • Courts prefer to see parents who are complying with the law and providing for their children. You may be angry about sending child support to your ex because of the way it is being spent. However, it is still important to do it since it provides for the overall wellbeing of your children.
  • If you stop paying child support, then the courts may view this as irresponsible and disrespectful behavior. It can sabotage your entire case and legal battle.

Custody battles can be complex and messy, so it is easy to sabotage them. Learn to avoid the common mistakes that create challenges, and you will have a stronger case.

Leslie Welch, CDC® CHCC, LOA
Certified Divorce, Career & Life Coach

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