If you live in a blended household, you almost certainly recognize the dedication and stamina needed for a happy home. Although many families struggle through years of challenging communication, you can use specific strategies to help yours relate and function more peacefully.
1. Agree on a plan. In advance of “blending” the families, parents can talk about how they will manage the kids and their lives together. Before you marry or move in, make it a point to discuss openly how you want the management of the kids to be split or shared.
2. Decide not to discipline the other's children. Although this may sound like a drastic measure, it's wise – at least in the short-term – to avoid potentially uncomfortable occurrences between step-parents and children.
3. Vow together to treat the children equally. Make a concerted effort to show your step-children the same consideration, compassion, concern, and love as you show to your own children.
4. Affirm that you won't criticize the children or each other. Such interactions tend to wear away at the primary relationship and discourage open communication between partners, not to mention arousing negative feelings in the children.
5. Establish healthy relationships first. Before blending the families, recognize the importance of allowing the children the time and space to develop comfortable, healthy relationships.
6. Hold weekly family meetings. For these, everyone in the family is required to attend. Each person takes turns sharing what they enjoyed about the last week and anything that occurred that troubled them.
7. Provide options for the children. Allow all the children opportunities to choose what they want to do.
8. Show interest in all the kids. Take notice of not only your own kids' activities, but also your step-children's interests and hobbies. On the other end of the spectrum, remember not to leave your own kids out in your efforts to include the step-kids.
9. Have positive exchanges with all the kids. Provide warm feedback each day for each child in the family. Say the child's name, make eye contact, and use a friendly voice tone. Remember that you're building relationships based on respect.
Blending a family can be an interesting, challenging, and ultimately very rewarding journey. Apply these strategies to ensure that your household is functioning positively for a healthy and happy family.
Want to learn more about blending families? Try Spare Your Kids the Heartache: How to Get Along After Divorce
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